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If Becks were blown up by Bin Laden after winning the World Cup, he might get more coverage than Beatle George

Published 10 December 2001

The collective mid-life crisis experienced by the executives on our national newspapers last week was almost palpable. With the death of the former Beatle George Harrison, we witnessed these baby boomers struggling to come to terms with their own mortality.

Nothing else could explain the quantity of coverage given to the sad but expected death of a guitarist and sometime songwriter. Not since 11 September have we seen such single-subject newspapers, and not since the death of Diana such outpourings of self-indulgent grief. It felt less like the passing of one man and more like the death of a generation, the realisation that the slow descent from middle age to something more final has begun.

When Harrison asked himself what it had all been for, he could at least go to his CD collection for testimony of his life's work. Alas, yellowing copies of newspapers do not have the same effect on a man. Only the Financial Times managed to restrain itself, with a picture caption announcing Harrison's death on page one and a half-page tribute on page two.

I grew up with and loved the Beatles, but there is something rather bemusing about the sanctification in death of pop stars. In death, the talented guitarist became greater than Eric Clapton; the least known Beatle, who penned about three memorable tunes, became a finer songwriter than John Lennon; and the famous philanderer became a faithful husband.

Even the Queen had to get in on the act - although I doubt whether she would know the difference between George Harrison and Boy George. "Queen mourns Beatle George" was the splash headline in the Times. Her spin-doctors, having learnt the lessons of Diana's death, were quick off the mark with an extract from Alastair Campbell's favourite book, "Tear-jerkers For All Occasions".

This absence of proportion prompts the question: what would the newspapers do if someone really significant or truly loved died, someone like the Prime Minister or the Queen Mother? On the scale of public loss (and corresponding newspaper inches), does the Queen rate above Margaret Thatcher, or would the EastEnders star Barbara Windsor top them both? Who would rate more coverage than dear old George? Perhaps David Beckham, if he were to be blown up by Bin Laden on his way back to England after scoring the winning goal in the penalty shoot-out against Argentina in the final of the World Cup. And he would be able to take over the sports pages as well.

Pop stars are as legendary for their bad behaviour as they are for their demands. Not so Mariah Carey. She slipped in to GMTV last week to pre-record a track before heading off to cheer up the troops in Kosovo, which is pretty impressive given that she has only recently recovered from a breakdown. And unlike many stars, she made no "special demands" of GMTV. But heads turned when she arrived with her own furniture van containing a white sofa for her dressing room - she would sit on nothing else - and a decorator who covered the walls with white fabric before she would enter.

Hot on her heels was a chef, also dressed in white, who was there just to make her toast which - you guessed it - was white sliced. Clearly you're not as well as you thought, Mariah.

"Sepeleven" has become the management excuse for cancelling Christmas in the media this year - it's nothing to do with plummeting advertising revenues, honest. Shame on Granada, which, after announcing £186m losses and axing 1,000 jobs, stopped all staff parties but decided to proceed with the Christmas lunch for its big stars such as Cilla Black and Michael Barrymore. With the millions they earn between them, you'd think they could afford to buy their own lunch.

I've always had rather a soft spot for Prince Charles's spin-doctor Mark Bolland, not least because we shared a weakness for lost causes and balding men. So it was with some sympathy that I watched the battle between Charles's court and his mother's court as it was played out in the newspapers.

Tasked with the seemingly impossible job of making an ungrateful nation love Prince Charles, Bolland also had to try and stop a hateful nation throwing bread rolls at the future king's girlfriend every time she went to the supermarket.

Whatever the truth about his nocturnal spinnings, one thing is certain - like the fair Camilla, Bolland is "non-negotiable".

Tom Cruise, appropriately on the cover of Vanity Fair, and Kate Winslet, everywhere, are desperately trying to reduce the damage done to their images (and therefore earning capacities) by the break-up of their respective marriages.

As Cruise's former wife, the magnificent Nicole Kidman, has proved, dumpees tend to triumph in the public sympathy stakes. For whom do we feel more sorry - Kate and her new love, American Beauty director and wunderkind Sam Mendes, or husband Jim who appears to miss no opportunity to be photographed left holding the baby?

As for Cruise's rather crude attempt at rehabilitation, it will take more than a naked torso and an erect nipple to win back the hearts of a once adoring female population.

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