Tony Blair's war is beginning to resemble Auberon Waugh's Scoop. On his foray into Oman, the Great Helmsman confided to a squaddie that one of his sons wanted to join the army, and the agency showbiz reporter accompanying him duly relayed the news to an astonished world. No 10 was furious and tried to censor the item.

Newspapers identified the would-be soldier as Euan, and Major Minder, looking after the hacks in the desert, blithely offered (referring to the first son's widely publicised adventures in central London): "Well, at least he's got it right so far: pissed and deserted by his mates." In fact, Blair was talking about Nicky, his second son.

The army also objected, in vain, to snappers taking a picture of the PM standing beside a squaddie who wore a T-shirt bearing the tasteless Yankee legend "We came, we saw, we kicked ass". That Blair was rather proud of the photograph speaks volumes.

Major Minder, a chairborne officer from Edinburgh, commanded the hacks to drink three litres of water and orange juice so that they could "pee clear" in the desert. The press bus promptly got lost, and when MoD Tours finally found the army, an irate colonel was presented with bladder-clutching lobby correspondents.

Bernard Jenkin, the alleged shadow defence secretary, is incandescent with the MoD top brass who gave him a private briefing on the war. Jenkin, with his "team" (the woodentop James Gray and some other MP who has been told to shave off his sideburns), was briefed in company with Paul Keetch, the Lib Dem spokesman, and his assistant. This lese-majeste did not go down at all well.

So incensed, indeed, are the Tories with suggestions of Lib Dem access to the Despatch Box, as if they were the real opposition, that they have prompted some war planning of their own. If Charlie Kennedy takes lain Duncan Smith's place, Conservative MPs plan to occupy the government front benches and bring parliamentary business to a standstill. Operation Occupy is said to be the brain-child (if that's the right word) of the shadow leader of the Commons, Eric Forth, and the Tory chief whip David Maclean.

The departure of Margaret McDonagh as general secretary of the Labour Party to the general managership of Express Newspapers has raised a few eyebrows. But which close (and very ungallant) friend of Lord (Waheed) Alli observed that the move marked her progress "from ice queen to porn queen"?

Thousands of copies of the Lords' Christmas cards are being withdrawn for pulping after a mistake in the picture caption. The seasonal portrait shows "Lambeth Palace, the Palace of Westminster and Westminster Cathedral" in the background. It is, of course, Westminster Abbey. The Roman Catholic cathedral is half a mile away, down Victoria Street.

Gorgeous, pouting Amanda Platell may now be a fellow NS columnist (see page 32), but I am compelled to report that she has told friends that her former boss William Hague will return, and, even more improbably, that she has been offered a safe Conservative seat by Central Office chiefs. The idea of Amanda taking on Mandy across the Chamber is beguiling, but difficult to believe. Safe Tory constituencies are rarer than hens' teeth.

Paul Flynn MP believes there is an Annie's Bar curse. "Nobody who goes in there comes out alive," he shivers. The curse claimed Jamie Cann, the 55-year-old MP for Ipswich, last Monday. Of the ten or so people (including your columnist) in a photograph behind the bar taken not so very long ago, three are now dead. No wonder custom is dwindling. Poor Jamie was a decent man, brought low by the decision of the leading new Labour filth to kick him off the defence select committee.

Paul Routledge is chief political commentator for the Mirror

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