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By 2020, there'll be lots of young English players called Sven
Published 15 October 2001
Now that Sven has done it, lucky though he was, he is bound to get an honorary knighthood. Bob Geldof and lots of rich Americans have got one over the years, and what did they do, apart from raise or give us a lot of money?
The sooner Sven gets an honour the better, before he starts falling out of fashion. Oh yes, it will happen. It always does. As in politics, our leaders and heroes usually end up in tears, being dumped or having power dragged away from them. The reigns of Keegan and Hoddle, and even Sir Alf Ramsey, once praised to the skies, ended ingloriously.
You don't have to fail to fall out of fashion, though they normally go together. Falling out of fashion can come first, before failure is apparent, though the signs are often there, both among the experts in the sporting prints and in public perception.
All last season, Sven, Gerard Houllier and Arsene Wenger were our love objects. They could do no wrong, walking on the water, showing our rough-hewn, home-grown, unsophisticated artisans how to do it. The future, so it appeared, was foreign. To succeed as a manager, you had to wear specs, be ascetic and academic, not scream and shout or throw teacups - and, above all, not come from here.
All three have done brilliantly, no question, but in the past few weeks there has been a noticeable change in the attitude towards one of them: Wenger. Arsenal have not collapsed, are in no worse a position than last year, but the pundits are falling over each other to turn against him. The new received wisdom is that Wenger has blown it, lost it. He has failed to create a new defence, which was a problem obvious to all, and he has not managed to find a decent fox in the box. Worst of all, his once magnificent midfield, built around Vieira, now appears to be creaking and vulnerable. Fashionable thinking in football is beginning to suspect that Wenger wasn't the saviour we all thought, that we had all led ourselves to believe. We might have conned ourselves, built him up too high, overestimated his genius, so it could be our fault, really. But we're not going to admit that, are we, so let's give him a good kicking, let's burst the bubble we created.
Will the same have happened to Sven by this time next year, when we turn out rubbish again in the World Cup, kicked out in the first round? Last Saturday against Greece, there was booing at half-time. England played as badly in that game as they had played brilliantly against Germany, which would suggest that Sven is not always in control. He could prove to be human. We might go off him. Would fashionable thinking turn against him?
I dunno, I'm just a follower of followers of fashion. But I can remember some of the fashionable thoughts we all held not so very long ago.
Beckham is a baby, spoiled and silly, liable to do something stupid, which was why he got booed at every ground, his effigy hung from lamp-posts.
Today, if it's arise, Sir Sven, then it's bound to be a dukedom for Becks, Saviour of the Nation.
Peter Taylor is magic, must be the next England manager.
Now where is he? Gorn.
Michael Owen is finished. The boy wonder has faded, not got over his injuries, will never be the same again. No wonder Keegan doesn't rate him, we all got carried away, just one of those kids who blossom young then disappear.
And where is he now? Sitting at the right hand of God, that's where, waiting to save us all in June 2002.
Gareth Barry - wow, what a player, what a future, this boy has the lot, so mature, rarely do defenders shine so young.
And where is he today? Still with us, fortunately, but struggling at Villa, no longer the flavour of football's fashionable chewers.
As for today's fashionable thinking, current attitudes and observations, trends and tendencies, here are a few assorted pensees.
Man Utd are bound to do well in Europe this year. It's Fergie's last year and the final is in Glasgow, his home town - that must be a sign, must be him sorted.
It's strange that no one ever says this about Celtic. Why are they not being tipped to have luck on their side this season?
Steven Gerrard is the greatest thing since Duncan Edwards, the Boy who has Everything, he is the Future of England, there's nothing he can't do or be.
Hmm, we shall see. But he was crap against Greece.
Mark my words, a Premiership club will go bust soon. It can't go on like this, the money is obscene, players are so greedy, even the biggest clubs are in debt, there will be a spectacular collapse, you'll see.
Some smaller clubs have indeed had financial problems, such as Crystal Palace and Queens Park Rangers, given the last rites, but Palace is still in the First Division and QPR in the Second, both still alive, still kicking, somehow. I'll believe in a Premiership death when I trip over it in the street.
If you want to get on in football, try to be called Cole.
Actually, that's true. Just think of Andrew, Ashley and Joe.
As for a first name, Jermaine is the one to look out for.
Also true. About half the Under-21 team is called that, though I'm not sure which is which yet. Names are a matter of fashion. Remember all the Kevins, Lees and Darrens.
I predict that, by 2020, the fashionable name for young English players will be Sven. By which time, he won't be.
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