A "fascinated" Iain Duncan Smith thinks Tony Blair has mastered "the language of visual communication" by wearing a white shirt, and ensuring no one is unjacketed when he is

Who daz, wins. I will wear

a blair shirt, and put fresh cuffs

on the tide of asylum-seekers.

Hanging is an excellent

detergent. I support the right

of the omosexual. I will whip

my jacket off, and be bold.

I will stand in the English surf

and defeat the euro: it is non-

biological. Persilly speaking,

I will starch it into submission.

There will be vim in my speeches.

We will fight them on the bleaches.

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