Society
You want to see the MEPs' register of financial interests? A three-headed dog guards a handwritten copy in Brussels
Published 13 August 2001
There are few things in life lower than a tortoise's arse, except Keith Chegwin's IQ and voter turnout in a Euro election.
Most people don't know, nor want to know, who their MEP is, let alone have an inclination to vote for him or her. MEPs are so irrelevant to people's lives that if a big sign were put up outside the polling stations saying "Free Scientology Personality Test Inside", you would probably get more people entering.
Some blame this "apathy" on bigotry. We all know that there is a large minority of xenophobes, collectively known as "Kent", who despise anything that is not British, except the royal family. These people automatically hate Europe and believe that a single French word spoken in Dover is proof of invading foreign hordes. Some of them still scour the coast for the Spanish Armada. This rabid hatred is entirely divorced from the sheer indifference that most people feel towards Europe.
Last year, while making a television show, I wanted to see the MEPs' register of financial interests. This should contain details of MEPs' outside earnings, free trips, company directorships and so on. What should have been a perfectly straight- forward request not only proved extremely difficult to put into practice, but also helped to explain what is wrong with the European Union.
When I asked how I might get a copy of the MEPs' register, I was told simply that I couldn't. It was not available on the internet or as hard copy. The only way to see the register was to travel to the European Parliament in Brussels, where a single copy of it is kept in large ring-binders, locked in a cabinet in a room guarded by a three-headed dog who answers only to Hades*.
It is best to book an appointment, because the room is very small and gets crowded if more than three people have the audacity to want to exercise their democratic rights at the same time. The register consists of forms completed in the MEPs' own handwriting, and many of them make doctors' prescriptions look crystal clear**. All entries remain solely in the individual MEP's national language. No photocopying or photographing of the register is permitted, though you are allowed to copy the contents by hand. The entry requirements for MEPs differ from country to country.
I wanted to speak to a senior MEP about this, so I approached one of the EU quaestors, who are "prefects" for the MEPs and not, as I suggested, the Dark Lord Voldemort's servants working to destroy Harry Potter.
Quaestor Jacques Poos was asked how a Portuguese peasant farmer might find the time and money to exercise his democratic rights.
His reply was short and to the point: "Well, he could phone a friend in Brussels or Strasbourg who could visit the room for him."
Then I asked Poos if it would be all right to put the register of interests on the internet, as I had taken the liberty of getting the TV show's researchers to spend three days copying the register by hand.
I was told that this act might be illegal, as it could break the privacy laws of certain EU member states. All of this was said quite calmly and coolly, as if it were entirely logical to hide details of MEPs' commercial activities in a room that most people cannot get to. Once you have constructed this EULogic, it automatically follows that all Portuguese peasant farmers are bilingual and correspond with bilingual pen pals who can take time off work during office hours to visit the parliament and check the register. They are, naturally, experts at deciphering really bad handwriting. In EULogic, anyone who wishes to make this task easier is a potential law-breaker.
So pervasive is EULogic that, during a recent debate about accountability, a Spanish MEP said - and I quote - "I want to have parliament more open; but, at home, whenever we explain what we have been doing, parts of the media use this as a stick to beat us with."
To which the only reply is: "If you don't want to be criticised, don't be shit."
To be fair, not all MEPs agree with the Spanish MEP's take on their role, and most British MEPs have their details published on the internet independently of the EU.
The issue of whether to publish the register on the internet was passed from committee to committee until, in May this year, the president of the European Parliament, Nicole Fontaine, discreetly announced during a plenary session that the register may be "open to the public for inspection electronically". Unfortunately, the MEPs' forms have merely been scanned, untranslated and handwritten, on to the net. In EULogic, the information has been made available regardless of whether anyone can read it or not. In EUWorld, all of us have friends living in Brussels who can translate and decode for us.
The palaver of the register shows a parliament that is reluctant to entrust the people it purports to represent with information about itself. In EUWorld, the rulers know what is best, and the plebs just might get in the way. MEPs might want a higher voter turnout in their elections, but they should remember a governing law for democracies: people are only as interested in parliament as parliament is interested in them.
* There is another copy, kept in a room in the European Parliament in Strasbourg. To not have a copy in each parliament would obviously be madness
** Examples of MEPs' handwritten entries can be found at http://www.newstatesman.co.uk/graphics/specialpages/20010809... and at http://wwwdb.europarl.eu.int/ep5/owa/p_meps2.repartition?ilg...
There is a prizeless competition for anyone who can decipher and translate them
Post this article to
We want to encourage people to comment on our content and to exchange views with other readers and hope this will be done on a courteous basis. However, if you encounter posts which are offensive please let us know by emailing comments@newstatesman.co.uk and we will take swift action where necessary.
