I'm Michael, just off to the hustings
To be the Conservative main-man
Ignore all these thrashings and thrustings
I'm just booking in for a brain scan
I'm Kenneth, and booked for the ballot
As the king of Conservative skippers
Ignore all that foam on my palate
I am wearing my Freudian slippers
I'm Iain, and seeking election
To win the Conservative pinnacle
Ignore signs of mental defection
It probably isn't too clinical
I'm David, and it has occurred to me
They'll vote me Conservative topper
My shrink thinks that I've never heard of me
So the proof of my sanity's proper
