Election 2001 - Annalisa Barbieri, our election fashion correspondent, finds female politicians in a state of sartorial shock

Our first model, Margaret H, is wearing a taupe trouser suit with a delicate necklace and sensible black shoes. She could have done with losing the brooch, but no matter - look at those eyelashes! At least three applications of mascara must have gone into making those babies.

Sharp intake of breath! Tessa J comes down the catwalk, wearing a very vibrant, cheeky pink trouser suit. But what are those on her feet? Fishmonger's wellies? I'm not sure, but they're white and big. Now it's all very well Luella Bartley showing clogs last season, but this time Tessa's gone rather out on a limb. Several members of the audience shake their heads.

The music gets louder, the curtains twitch, and it's Margaret B, resplendent in head-to-toe green, setting off the flame-red hair. Green is sooo not this season's colour, but she wears it well. Right behind her is Cherie B, dressed in leather! Who would have thought? Black, tight, unzipped to reveal a T-shirt with a rose printed on the heart . . . work that jacket, Cherie!

Thank goodness for Ffion H, one of the youngest models on the runway. Ffion's not scared of a good fit and a revers collar. Hair's a bit flyaway (could do with a little product), but otherwise not bad.

Time for the finale . . . the lights dim. Mercy! What is it? The pinched, pointed nose is just visible, as are the tufts of teased blonde, thinning hair between swathes of bandages (which would never have been changed, under the National Health Service that she left us with). Someone starts to clap, and the clapping continues for three whole minutes. This is genius design. Oh bravo, it's Maggie T! The mummy returns indeed.

Like everyone else in this election, I have so neglected the women. Thus, this week, I decided to give them their very own fashion show. Sadly, it never happened - but the outfits really have appeared in recent weeks (save for the last get-up . . . )

I'm not sure why, but most female MPs seem scared of revers collars. The regulation uniform seems to consist of a shell top (round-necked and made of silky material, as plain as plain can be) and no-collar (castrated) jacket. Only a few buck the trend. If female politicians were cautious before about standing out - lest they be taken less seriously, I guess - the election campaign has sent them into sartorial shock.

It need not be like this. Oona King (Lab, Bethnal Green and Bow) is almost alone in dressing like what she is: a young woman. Even in a sober shalwar kameez, Oona looks funky. Estelle Morris (tipped to replace David Blunkett at Education) has her own, quiet style, and seems to have learnt that less is more. Ann Widdecombe, who provides such good sport with her clothes - big, boxy jackets in uncompromising plaids - has her own look. I would hate it if she changed too much. But the rest of them need to realise that dressing like women need not detract from what they have to say; indeed, quite the opposite. (Look at Ffion. She has so far said, like, three words, and the whole country's hanging on them.)

Points time. Labour: King gains points for her team; Fiona Mactaggart (Slough) loses some for dressing so boringly. Rosie Winterton (Doncaster Central) needs to sort her hair out before she gets given a part in East-Enders, simply by virtue of having frosted tips. Helen Jones (Warrington North) will never be prime minister if she carries on buttoning her blouses right up to the neck. Come on, undo a few, baby doll! Hazel Blears (Salford) is one of the few women to sport a collar, but rather ruins it by having what looks suspiciously like a mullet haircut.

The Liberal Democrats need to move away from grunge. Even being a baroness doesn't seem to help - Lindsay Northover appeared at one press conference in a big-shouldered jacket, and with wispy, flicky hair, looking most unkempt.

It doesn't matter how many points the Co-operative Party was to get, because Linda Gilroy (Lab/Co-op, Plymouth Sutton) would lose them all for her party. It's not so much what she wears but how she wears it - dressing this badly actually takes a certain skill. The Conservatives' Jacqui Lait (Beckenham) has been spotted wearing a Missoni-type (looks like a television interference pattern) shirt with a patterned skirt and (naturally) a collarless jacket. It's an abomination. Theresa May gets some points for launching the education content of the Tory manifesto looking really quite OK in a powder-blue suit.

But I'm going to award this week's prize to Ann Widdecombe. I know, there's no rhyme or reason to it, but she's got a certain Widdy style, although it's terrible. And you can so tell that she went to convent school (where jewellery would have been banned), 'cos she wears too many rings, brooches and necklaces. Also, I've spotted her flirting with Jack Straw. I'm sure she fancies him. And you need to keep your rivals close.

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