Pledges

I will not sign the pledge because

I run a chicken tikka masala parlour.

I will not sign the pledge because

I have been vaccinated by Maff.

I will not sign the pledge because

I wish to be spanked by Michael Ancram.

I will not sign the pledge because

I am pledged not to sign pledges.

I will not sign the pledge because

I am Portillo the Hun.

I will not sign the pledge because

I weigh my conscience in pounds and ounces.

I will not sign the pledge because

I do not know how to forge my signature.

I will not sign the pledge because

I am in a race with myself, and losing it.