William Hague attacked the "liberal elite" for accusing him of racism. The Tories are said to hope that their celebrity rock star will be Madonna (to whom apologies, and congratulations)

I've told other lies

I've cooked up porky pies

But I never hawked stuff so poor

Till I talked about the law

I've made other slips

I've cracked a thousand whips

But no matter how I crow

This one takes the biscuit, baby

This I know 'cause it's

True guff

This is what I'm screaming of

These plums are completely duff

And I'm gonna be True Blue, baby

I'll stuff you

I've blurred all the lines

I'm snide oh so many times

Those milksops they won't whine again

I'm so delighted when I condescend

So if you should hear me spout

Chunder up like a lager lout

Just sink back and remember, dear

This nerd whispering with a sneer

With his

True guff

This is what I'm screaming of

These plums are completely duff

And I'm gonna be True Blue, baby

I'll stuff you . . .

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