No 3650 Set by Gavin Ross

You were asked for protest songs about the Great Petrol Tax Revolt to pass down to your grandchildren.

Report by Ms de Meaner

Ah, but you loved this one, didn't you, you ageing hippies! It brought it all back - the sit-ins, the drugs, the bell-bottoms, the smocks, those stinking Afghan coats, Bob Dylan, the joss sticks, Joni Mitchell . . . Now, where was I? Ah yes. Well done and hon menshes to: T Griffiths, Basil Ransome-Davies, Will Bellenger, Anne Du Croz, Nic Rigby and David Taylor. It's a massive £15 to the winners, and the vouchers go to D A Prince.

Where have you been, my wild-eyed son,

Where have you been, my angry young one?

I've been on a blockade outside a refin'ry;

I've stopped all the tankers and emptied each garage;

I've been on my mobile convening a convoy,

I've driven my tractor at two miles per hour,

And clogged a whole motorway so it stopped running.

And it's high, high, high, high,

It's a high tax a-gonna fall.

What have you seen, my media-eyed one,

Now you've won praise from the Mail and the Sun?

I've seen big drivers sobbing, their flash cars all empty,

I've seen government crumble, collapsing like puffballs,

I've seen roads falling silent and clean as new mornings,

I've seen sixty days' grace given for a solution,

I've seen men counting down, sorting out the next action.

Not just high, high, high, high,

Not just high tax a-gonna fall.

D A Prince

Imagine there's no diesel,

It's easy with this tax

No wheels below us,

Zilch mph the max!

Imagine all those Yorkies

Lying there unwrapped.

Ugh!

Imagine there's no trucking,

It isn't hard to do;

No speed limits to die for,

No roadside cafes too.

Imagine all the drivers

Living life on the dole. Huh.

You may say you're a

guzzler,

But you're not the only one;

Tax has driven me to drink -

My beer load is, uh, gone.

John O'Byrne

Don't it always seem to go that you don't know what you've got till it's gone?

They've turned my street into a parking lot.

They took all the fuel, put it in a fuel museum.

And they charge the people a fortune in tax just to fleece 'em.

Don't it always seem to go (etc)

Late last night I heard a car door slam.

It was a bloke from Luton stuck here in Birmingham.

Don't it always seem to go (etc)

Hey farmer, farmer, put away your tractor keys now.

Sure the fuel's expensive, but I need to buy bread, milk, and cheese. Please!

Don't it always seem to go (etc)

Last night I heard that car door slam again.

It was the bloke from Luton, still here in Birmingham.

Don't it always seem to go (etc)

Geoff Thurman

How many miles must a Mercedes do

Before it grinds to a halt?

How many hours must a cab-driver queue

Before he commits an assault?

The answer, my friend, is blowin' in the wind, the answer is blowin' in the wind.

How many times must the heroes we know

Fight for the right they defend?

Where will the boys at the Treasury go?

Will they pay up in the end?

The answer, my friend (etc)

What in the end is the government line?

What will Mr Blair say?

Will he maintain that everything's fine

And that things are going his way?

The Chancellor, my friend, is blowin' in the wind, the Chancellor (etc)

Peter Lyon

Come all of you Tories:

The shires have got clout.

Stand up for your rights,

Kick the government out.

We'll cut tax on petrol

If we picket and shout

Tho' our party is rapidly agin'.

Defend Little England

'Gainst Froggie and Kraut

For the To-ries are not changin'!

Stand firm with our William

And don't hesitate.

We'll follow his beacon

(The glow from his pate?)

As he downs fourteen pints

With Seb Coe and his mates.

The country's in awe of his ragin'.

Tho' he'll have to do more

Than 3p off tax rates

Or the Lea-der will be changin'!

So get out your pickets

You know what to do.

The oilmen are on-side:

They're most of them Blue.

We'll take direct action

Like Reds used to do

With our cellphones and our pagin'.

We'll get Tony Blair

In a terrible stew

For the Tor-ies are not changin'!

Keith Mason

No 3653 Set by M Rogers

"Anything important can be said in ten minutes. Trivia naturally takes longer" (Nancy Banks-Smith). Ten minutes? We want the beliefs and practices of world religions done in under 100 words. To be in by 2 November. E-mail: comp@newstatesman.co.uk

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