No 3641 Set by Margaret Rogers
Non-political, my eye! We asked, in the light of fairly recent events, for a new version of "Jerusalem" for the Women's Institute.
Report by Ms de Meaner
Like the different analyses of the event itself, your "Jerusalems" were a mixture. Some of you thought that the WI ladies disliked hearing a new Labour PPB at their meeting not because it was "political" as such, but because they are all blue-rinse Tories and always have been. Others thought that the WI had been wooed by new Labour promises and had been dis-appointed; yet others thought that it was more of a presentational thing, and that what they really loathed was his "teeth and smiles, concerned to satisfy and please". Only Will Bellenger, ever the maverick, had the immortal line: "We'll all be voting Labour now." Is that the motherly hens taking pity on young Tony after his humiliation, perhaps? Hon menshes to Sir Richard Knowles, T Griffiths, Margaret Reeves, D A Prince, and Gerard Benson; £15 to the winners, and the champagne vouchers go to Eric Swainson.
And did that creep step out of line,
Talk about England's altered scene?
And did he wholly miss the mood
That animates the village green?
And did he sketch his grand design,
A cure for England's crowded ills?
And did he hope to lord it here,
One Jack among a thousand Jills?
Bring me the heroines of old,
Bring me their darts of righteous ire,
Bring me, from distant shires enrolled,
The voices of a mighty choir!
We will not cease to trounce the trite
And clap with unapplauding hand,
To show the Women's Institute
Is still the backbone of our land.
Mary Holtby
And did our feet in recent times
Walk on the pride of PM Blair?
And was our heckling manner seen
To bring his minders to despair?
And did the tabloid press enjoy
The mighty falling once again?
And was the Millbank spin machine
Seen to be labouring in vain?
Bring me my recipes and cakes,
Bring me my marmalade and jam,
Bring me my housewife's pinafore,
Bring me my lovely home-baked ham!
I shall not cease to vaunt the power
Of Middle English womanhood
Till we have brought new Labour down, And brought back Tory days for good!
Wraines Coins
And did we meet in former times
Just to show marmalade and cake?
And was a barely risen sponge
Our only serious mistake?
And did our choral voices rise
Harmoniously in village halls?
With no political intent,
No blatant anti-Labour calls?
Bring me my rinse of deepest blue,
Bring me my twinset and my hat,
Bring me my shoes, so sensible,
Bring me my handbag, and all that!
I will not cease to praise the right,
Nor shall my bag stay in my hand
Till we restore Saint Margaret
In England's true-blue Tory land!
Eric Swainson
And did that seat in ancient time
Hunt upon England's pastures green?
And did our Section Twenty-Eight
Mean that no perverts here were seen?
And did the Countryside Alliance
Defend our decent way of life?
And was our Thatcher elected here
Though enemies within wrought strife?
Bring me my pack of hunting hounds,
Bring me monogamous desire,
Bring me my whip - O clouds, unfold!
Bring me my brand-new Porsche on hire!
I will not cease from twittering
About the things I cannot stand,
Till we have got Ann Widdecombe
As ruler of our pleasant land.
Ian Birchall
And did those lips, at polling time,
Promise relief from Tory sleaze?
And was that face, all teeth and smiles,
Concerned to satisfy and please?
And did the manifesto words
Persuade us all to sing his song?
And was new Labour voted in
Among a great, rejoicing throng?
Bring me my nose for rotting corn,
Bring me my disillusioned laugh,
Bring me my recipe for scorn,
Bring me my Daily Telegraph.
We shall not cease to hiss and boo,
Nor shall we termagents disband,
Till we have killed the cult of spin
In England's mean, unpleasant land.
Basil Ransome-Davies
And did we meet in ancient times,
Talk about chocolate-cake and cream?
And worship every step she trod,
Whilst blessed Marg'ret reigned supreme?
And did our council tax decline,
With cuts in social service frills?
And were our rules, No Labour here,
Among our green suburban hills?
Bring us Portillo! Handsome and bold!
Bring us the leader we desire!
Bring to our dreams - O joys, untold!
Bring Tony Blair to face our ire!
We shall cry out, the Right is right!
New Labour sly and underhand!
Till we elect our new PM,
A true-blue Tory, as God planned!
Gordon Watson
No 3644 Set by Gavin Ross
Sir Arthur Sullivan's incidental music to Shakespeare's plays is long forgotten. But what if W S Gilbert had adapted some of Shakespeare's famous scenes or soliloquies, eg, "Three wizened hags on the heath are we!" or "I am the very model of a modern Roman Emperor"? Let's have some better lyrics by 31 August. E-mail: comp@newstatesman.co.uk
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