Christening pictures of Leo were described by Downing Street as "perfectly inoffensive", although Tony Blair used them as a basis for complaint to the PCC

I'm perfectly inoffensive

I'm nicer than strawberry pie

I'm frank, I'm honest and pensive

Don't bloody spit in my eye

I'm perfectly inoffensive

My policies smell like Chanel

My knowledge is comprehensive

Stop bloody ringing my bell

I'm perfectly inoffensive

I'm all things to centre and right

I'm prudently inexpensive

Are you looking to bloody well fight?

I'm perfectly inoffensive

Available always (well, maybe)

My gestures are calm and extensive

You bastards, I've just dropped the baby

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