New Statesman Scotland
Anyone who wants a handy update on Britain's strategic situation needs look no further than his local library. The good folk at the Defence Information Division of the MoD are now distributing a free colourful little pamphlet entitled "What do you know about NUCLEAR DETERRENCE?" With a nice purple cover, it features agreeable pictures of Her Majesty's nuclear submarines Vigilant, Vanguard and Victorious plus a really exciting snap of a Trident missile soaring out of the sea on a column of flame and smoke. The pamphlet assures us that, thanks to the Clyde-based Trident boats, "we force a potential attacker to face the prospect of losing much more than they might hope to gain through aggression".
So far, so traditional. But having told us just how vital our nuclear deterrent is to our security, the pamphlet goes on to describe how it is all being downgraded. According to the MoD's publicity, since the world blew the whistle on the cold war (or at least since 1992), we have given up all the rest of our nuclear bombs, missiles and artillery shells. None of the Royal Navy's surface ships or the RAF's aircraft is now equipped to carry nuclear weapons. Only the three Trident boats sailing in and out of the west coast of Scotland will have the capacity to devastate half the earth and kill millions of people.
But before Caledonian chests swell with too much pride at our new strategic importance, the pamphlet goes on to strike an odd note. Having told us just how crucial the Trident boats are to our safety in this still dangerous world, it goes on to explain that "the submarines will routinely be at a 'notice to fire' measured in days rather than the few minutes quick reaction alert sustained throughout the cold war".
So any nuclear rogue state that wants to get its retaliation in first will have a breathing space of days (how many days?) before the Royal Navy's missiles come swooping out of the sky. Which, to this diary, makes something of a nonsense of the "tit for tat" doctrine which is at the very heart of nuclear deterrence. And of the huge sums of money that the whole thing costs. Oh, well.
While we are on the subject of death and dying, how come Tam Dalyell's first-rate idea to make the most of crowded cemeteries and kirkyards by "recycling" grave plots (or "lairs", as they are called in Scotland) has to be referred to the Home Office? Dalyell's point is that, as we peg out in large numbers, more and more cemeteries are being pushed out of town, forcing relatives to trudge further afield with their bunches of flowers and wreathes. His answer is to re-use existing burial ground.
But this is easier said than done. It seems that, under the Burial Act of 1857 (which applies to all the UK), the bones of your ancestors cannot be disturbed without a licence from the memo-shufflers of the Home Office. Devolution notwithstanding, the Scottish Parliament and its Executive has no say over coffins and their contents. How did that one get by the Civil Service suits who drafted the Scotland Act of 1998? After all, what kind of parliament is it that has no say over how it disposes of its deceased electors?
Where are all the doomsters from the Scottish end of the CBI and the Institute of Directors who spent the middle months of 1997 warning us that a Scottish Parliament would spark a stampede of capital and capitalists out of Scotland?
Exactly the opposite appears to be happening. According to development boffins, Edinburgh now has the healthiest economy of any city in Britain, with another £2.75bn worth of projects on its way likely to bring in another 50,000 new jobs. Even allowing for the necessary large dose of salt, the figures look impressive. So how did the business lobby get it so wrong? Did it believe what it was saying? Or was it just singing from the Tory hymn sheet?
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