No 3620 Set by John Crick
Tony Blair once said that his party would "campaign in poetry, but govern in prose". With the next general election in mind, we asked for a peek at the next batch of leaflets in progress.
Report by Ms de Meaner
A very big postbag. But so many of you didn't quite enter into the spirit of things, I felt. Do you really imagine, Howard Chessman, that new Labour's campaigning literature would include the following line about Gordon Brown: "And quietly plotted to do his boss down"? Or, Margaret Rogers, that Tony would be quite this forthright: "Labour's government's the worst"? And as for Susan Therkelsen: "Vote for Ken to be/PM"; and Wraines Coins: "John Smith, thou shouldst be living at this hour!/Labour hath need of thee" - well, I give up. £15 to Will Bellenger and G M Davis (two entries), £5 tokens for the rest; and the bottle of champers goes to Bellenger.
I have had a letter from a lady who entered many years ago under the pseudonym of Janet Jekyll, roused to write by our mention a few weeks ago that the comp was celebrating 70 years in business. She says: "In 1933 or 1934, you asked for a poem to a milking machine. I lived in the dairy-farming country north of the Solway Firth and I was delighted to get the second prize." Ah, those were the days! Thank you for writing. It is much appreciated.
Though a focus group quorum in Surrey
Reckons Tony has no cause to worry,
To be on the safe side
We'd like a fresh landslide,
So please vote for new Labour, and hurry!
Adrian Fry
Other governments
Bring rain, but with new Labour
The sun always shines.
G M Davis
Our manifesto
Will include more promises
Than ever before.
R J Pickles
Friskily-fiscally,
Gordon the Chancellor
Prudently steered us from
Old boom and bust;
Tories, in language most
Unparliamentary,
Fume with frustration, com-
Pletely nonplussed.
Watson Weeks
Come home to Labour!
The general election
Looms: Tony needs you!
When the chips are down,
True Labour hearts return to
Their old loyalties.
Anne Du Croz
Red leaves rejected
Merit climbs on icy snow
Apres ski, new peak.
Jay Lounaspuro
No 3623 Set by Margaret Rogers and Leonora Casement
In a recent World Book Day poll of the nation's top 50 writers, Roald Dahl came top and Shakespeare bottom. In recognition of this fine result, we want either a Roald Dahl story rewritten as a play by the Bard or a Shakespeare play done over by Dahl (The Three Witches?). You have a maximum of 200 words and entries should be in by 4 April.
E-mail: comp@newstatesman.co.uk
The party's ties are pastel pink
And no one's pager's on the blink;
Our policies are brave and bold,
And also very smoothly sold.
So raise the rose-hip syrup high!
New Labour's babies never die.
Despite the jibes of enemies,
Our flags will be a pale cerise.
Our hearts are smart, our voices swell
As roses grace each fresh lapel;
The tailors made our battledress,
Which we obtained from M&S.
New Labour has its deepest roots
In those who wear the simplest suits,
Yet morally we're never lax
And sometimes we wear jeans and slacks.
Our tender woods are always tough,
And no one on the dole's a scruff -
Our promises are firm but slim,
We wear pink singlets in the gym.
So join our brave, our cool crusade,
And wear our badges on parade;
With policies to make you smile
And substance in fantastic style.
Will Bellenger
There's a man with a plan and a vision.
He's got panache, charisma and flair.
He's a wizard sensation, the pride of the nation.
He's your friend and mine - Tony Blair.
If you want lower taxes, he's got 'em.
If you're after compassion, he'll care.
The others are tragic; he's perfect, he's magic.
Be sure to elect Tony Blair.
G M Davis
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