No 3611 Set by George Cowley
We asked for an excerpt from In the Psychiatrist's Chair with a well-known leader revealing worrying signs of a hitherto unsuspected mental illness.
Report by Ms de Meaner
No room! I thought MacKinnon stuck closest to the rules, so he gets £15 and the champers. The rest just get cash.
Anthony Clare Did those dreadful impeachment hearings have a serious effect on you?
Bill Clinton I-did-not-play-sax-with-that-woman! As I understand the term "saxophone".
Clare The Starr Report must have been very damaging to your equanimity and sense of self-worth.
Clinton Again all I can say is: I did not weave socks with that woman!
Clare You're a smart politician, a pro, but you must have been under dreadful pressure during this time. What kept you going? Did you seek divine guidance? Were those around you supportive? Did people offer encouragement?
Clinton I . . . did . . . not . . . heave . . . sheikhs . . . with . . . that . . . woman!
Clare In many situations like this, the mind shuts down, ceases to function as a rational entity; victims begin to block out the world. This is what is known in my trade as a wall. Were you able to scale it?
Clinton I have been asked this many times. And every time I've been asked this I've given the same answer. The answer will not change. This is a question I want to put behind me. I think it's time you stopped asking it, otherwise I may become paranoid.I did not seek any halves with that Roman.
John O'Byrne
Clare Now, your Holiness, was it your ambition to be Pope?
Pope Not per se. No. It was the smoke.
Clare The smoke? Was this something that you, personally, smoked? Even - dare we say this - inhaled?
Pope No. Narcotics, they're nothing!
Clare The lure of the big city?
Pope No. The smoke. Smoke. Chosen by it. White smoke. No smoke without fire. Someone lighting the fire. That's why I wanted to be Pope.
Clare I don't quite see . . .
Pope You never light fires? You never watch that first tasty lick that coil into the whole being, and it take over - and it's all yours? Ah! To be announced by that fire! Whoosh!
Clare So, as a child, was fire . . .
Pope Candles, matches, tinderboxes, lighters, bonfires - I was a little devil. Hellfire - that's talking!
Clare Important, yes. But as an adult . . .
Pope Fireworks, firecrackers - St Peter's got the best view in Rome - all those saints on their gridirons or barbecued. Very good arsonists, I tell you.
Clare Fire as metaphor has meant . . .
Pope Metaphor? Nothing! Like the crackling of thorns under the pots is the laughter of fools. I like real fire. My smoke - and not without fire, eh? You read The Book of the Revelation? Magic!
D A Prince
Clare You've said very little about your mother? Was she an important figure?
Tony Blair You can't pin any Freudian nonsense on me. My relationship with my mother was completely normal.
Clare Yours was a privileged childhood?
Blair My mother was a grocer's daughter, actually. We lived above the shop like Cherie, Gordon and the kids do now.
Clare Were there rivals for your mother's affection?
Blair Mother found that twins were efficient: Mark and Carol and me and Gordon. Gordon had this fantasy about being a "son of the manse", but he spent his formative years at the bacon slicer. We learnt about the control of capitalism at our mother's breast. Like Mark, he always got the biggest one.
Clare So your treatment of him in the leadership contest was an Oedipal murder that skipped a generation?
Blair There was no alternative. Children grow tall, and some grow taller than others if they have it in them.
Clare What did mother say about your fratricide?
Blair "Where there is discord let there be despair." Now you promised to ask about the baby.
Clare The baby?
Blair We have become a father again. Rejoice. Rejoice.
Nick MacKinnon
Clare Well, where shall we begin?
Gerry Adams No, I'm not going to begin by laying down any conditions here. It would be easy for me to do that - to say "we'll start here" or "we'll start there" - but I'm not going to be put into the position of naming priorities. I know what my priorities are. So let's lay that one to rest at the outset.
Clare Perhaps we can start with your childhood, then.
Adams Again, I have to say that I won't be trapped into buying someone else's agenda. You talk to me about deadlines and cut-off points, as if childhood could be separated from a raft of other issues. There's no way I can accept that, and if we're going to share some prospects of moving forward here, I have to see some positive evidence of good faith.
Clare Your parents?
Adams And you say the Irish are fixated on the past! That's such a great part of the whole problem, really, this obsession with what happened long ago.
Clare Who has been the greatest influence on you?
Adams Come on now, all this talk of influence and intimidation is childish and counterproductive. Why can't we have a serious discussion here?
G M Davis
No 3614 Set by Margaret Rogers
According to a TV critic, gardening is the new rock'n'roll. We want new verses to well-known rock tunes by 3 March.
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