Sort of halfway in the football season, but no, I'm not going to say it's time to take stock. Anyway, I hate every famous chef and cookery writer and can never understand why they become so rich and famous. Why don't we have famous plumbers and electricians and carpenters? Just as deserving.

And no, I'm not going to predict who's going to win the league. OK then, Man Utd will win. That's the end of that one. There are two other important topics thrown up by the half season so far which I'd like to ponder. Plus a few lesser ones, such as what is Jeff Winter on? That ref with the close-cropped hair. I've seen him twice, in the flesh, and he looks knackered, baggy eyes, almost as exhausted as Fergie. No wonder he makes so many mistakes. But then any ref with fashionable hair should not be a ref. Like schoolteachers, we don't want them modern.

Someone un-modern is Peter Reid, the Sunderland manager. I swear I have seen him this winter in three period dramas - David Copperfield, Oliver Twist and Wives and Daughters. Dodgy-looking bloke, receding hair, in street scenes usually, or minor roles, curling his lip, looking menacing. Or it could have been Keith Allen.

The pitches, they have been amazing, when you consider what football pitches were like 20 years ago at this time of the year. Quagmires with the goalmouths bare and grassless. Now they're lush all year round, thanks to the new money in football which means even relatively poor clubs can afford the best technology and undersoil heating. Except for Old Trafford.

God is smart. Which is the richest club in the universe, He asks Himself. Right, I'll send a pestilence on their pitch. Nothing they do will sort it, regardless of their millions, regardless of relaying it on the hour. Until I am satisfied with them, or they come back from Brazil with a pot, they will have what we call in Heaven a shite pitch, 'scuse the language.

Des Lynam? Too trivial a topic. But he has disappeared, done a runner. I've looked everywhere, but no sign of him. Is he hiding? Sitting somewhere counting his money?

Right, the two awfully serious topics are, first: "Foreigners - are they a waste of money?" That's been the consensus recently, now that Chelsea have shown themselves so vulnerable, so feeble against poor opposition. When they were doing well, particularly in Europe, delighting us all, it was clever old Chelsea, buying all those top-class, World Cup-winning, superstar European players, all of them so good that twice recently we've had not one British player in their starting line-up. But ah, once they don't do as well, those same superstar, World Cup, etc, players are the ones everyone blames. Fair or not? Discuss.

I think yes, on the whole. You do take a chance when you sign players who have been megastars elsewhere. When the going gets tough, or boring, or piddling, such as against minor teams, they find it hard to wind themselves up, knock themselves out. Subconsciously they think what the fuck, for they all pick up English very quickly, being smart, I'm only passing through, two years here, two million in the bank, then I'm off to Japan or the States, so does it really matter, breaking a gut. I've got all the medals at home I'm ever likely to win.

The second topic for discussion, friends, is: "You can't win anything with kids." This is what Alan Hansen said about Man Utd, and it rebounded on him, causing him to be ridiculed ever since. I think he was right, in principle. Wrong about Man Utd, because they did have a hardcore of older players along with their gaggle of kids. (Man Utd also illustrates a truth about the first topic - their triple-winning team last season had very few foreigners, most of them being British or British-reared players.)

The topic of kids has come up now because of Leeds Utd, so stunning in the early part of this season, now beginning to stumble. I saw them get beaten 2-0 by Arsenal and it wasn't just the lack of vital players on the day - their young kids couldn't cope. David O'Leary, playing verbal games and double bluffs, the sort G Graham and A Ferguson have always employed, has said that he expected his team to "bottle it soon". I wasn't quite sure what he meant, imagining he meant physically bottling it. Now I think I know. Mentally and physically they could run out of muscle. When I played Sunday morning football, don't scoff, we often played Oldies against Youngies. The kids were always quicker, flasher, mostly more skilful, more confident - until they went behind, or things went wrong. Their heads would drop, their energy diminish, their enthusiasm fade. Even more interesting, they would cease to play as a team, splitting into disparate parts.

I saw that happening to Leeds that day. They did have Radebe, so important to them, but they were sorely missing Batty to kick a few arses, on his own side as well as the other. The thing about a mature footballer, say of 27 plus, is that they are mature in mind and body. They wouldn't still be at the top, playing in the Premiership, unless they had been hardened over the years in spirit and physique. They have become strong all round, if not quite as quick, can cope mentally with setbacks, having been through it all before. They might get beaten, but they are unlikely to cave in. When you have a team like Leeds, so dominated by immature if brilliant players, with most of them hardly into their twenties, it makes them lopsided. There are not enough older heads and bodies to prop them up, when they do start lopping.

So, Man Utd to win the league. Or did I say that already?

Post your comment

Please note: you will need to login or register before you can comment on the website