New Statesman Scotland
For Sir Alex Ferguson the expression "there's no such thing as bad publicity" may have a hollow ring to it. Although his team often leave things to the last minute, he himself went almost to the wire recently - with potentially unthinkable, indescribable consequences. Stopped by the police for driving on the hard shoulder of the motorway, his tactical nous saved the day and his licence. Ferguson told the boys in blue he was in a very particular rush to reach Old Trafford. An urgent debriefing? In a manner of speaking. It turns out that he was suffering from a bout of diarrhoea and, in his haste to reach the gents at the club, he had taken a short cut. To a double relief, the magistrates sympathised.
To the average Scot, cricket is a posh English game whose pundits affect nicknames such as "Aggers" or "Blowers" and indulge in fits of adolescent giggles. Add to that images of lazy summer afternoons on village greens where the smack of leather on willow draws ripples of polite applause, and the idyllic scene is complete.
Contrast that with the tales of Caledonian cricketing mayhem emerging from a recent Renfrew v Queen's Park match. Paisley Sheriff Court heard how a series of bad decisions by the home umpire set the ball rolling. A critical stage was reached when a home batsman, having clearly been caught and on his walk to the pavilion, was recalled to the crease when the umpire belatedly ruled "No ball". Colourful, industrial language was heard from the sidelines. The umpire was removed. But by this time things were simmering. Next it was time for lunch, and hopes were entertained that peace might break out in the afternoon. Not a chance. After lunch, matters lurched from bad to worse - scuffles here and there, and at one point a knife was apparently brandished. Queen's Park decided that enough was enough, packed up and went home. Leaving to one side the damage to the sporting reputation of the west of Scotland, one wonders what "Aggers" and "Blowers" would have made of it all. One thing is certain - it's just not cricket, at least as the English know it.
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