Food - Bee Wilson says no to nutriceuticals
When I first heard the phrase "functional foods", I was puzzled. What could it mean? At first I thought it referred to foodstuffs to complement a functional, no-frills life, all beige packaging and 1990s lifestyle: basic wheat noodles and teriyaki chicken in bento boxes with an ostentatious disregard for garnishes. Utilitarian food for busy people. But apparently not. Then I thought it might be a dumb marketing term for buffet food to serve at functions. Or it could mean the food eaten by happy nuclear families - functional as opposed to dysfunctional foods.
In fact "functional foods" is the industry term for a new generation of health foods. Half-food, half-medicine, these products are sold as pharmaceuticals as much as edibles. Benecol margarine "helps actually lower cholesterol as part of a healthy diet". Yakult fermented milk drink claims it actually aids digestion. Nestle LC1 yoghurt and LC1 Go milk drink also claim to promote digestive health. A forthcoming range of Aviva biscuits, drinks, breakfast cereals and snack bars will make a range of boasts to do with supposed benefits to heart, bone and vitamin levels. The other term for these unlovely products is "nutriceuticals".
Functional foods are going to be huge. Mintel estimates that the UK market is worth £230 million. (The US market, doubtless propelled by the weak-hearted but optimistic inhabitants of Florida retirement homes, is worth £769 million.) Kellogg's has created the Ensemble Functional Foods company, which will soon unleash yet more cholesterol-reducing biscuits, crisps, pasta and ready meals on an ageing and anxious population.
There is something wicked about this alliance between food and the pharmaceutical industry that preys on our most morbid hopes. Eternal youth has been sold in many guises over the centuries, but none so bathetic as a tub of foul- tasting marge. I hate to think of anyone feeling they are "looking after themselves" by buying expensive Benecol to spread on their toast, instead of good butter or jam. Even John Young, a market researcher and evangelist for functional foods, admits that doctors "think they're rubbish".
But functional foods are not just venal - they're also stupid. Much like the "hygiene" foods of the 19th century (such as Kellogg's Granola cereal), they are less sophisticated than the food they intend to replace. Where functional foods each have single, specific "functions" - to protect the heart or to lower cholesterol - most natural foods have marvellously proliferating functions, not to mention diverse forms. Think of the egg. It can be scrambled, poached, fried, coddled. It can be separated into souffles and hollandaises, into macaroons and cheese straws or meringues and mayonnaise. The whites can be eaten by athletes for pure protein. The yolks can be slurped by drunks for hangover relief. The shells can be used as grit. The egg is vitamin-enriched (with A, D, E and K, plus iron, phosphorus and thiamin) and easily digested, and can even be used as hair conditioner in an emergency. According to the situation, eggs can nourish, revive, soothe, cure or relax. Oh, and they can taste delicious. Compare that to Yakult. Its function is always to aid digestion. Its form is always the same measly little bottle.
If real foods were remarketed as functional foods, what wonderful claims could be made on their behalf. Roast beef: in regular doses can tangibly boost the body's supply of iron. Cream: increases your enjoyment of life by about 20 per cent. Apple: exercises your jaw as you eat. Or how about bread? If eaten as part of a varied diet, it can actually prevent you from starving.
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