When I was a lad I learned to scrub
As tea-boy at an Ancient Labour club;
I polished all the silver and the old Kit Kats
And then I went and joined the Social Democrats.
I polished off that chocolate so carefullee
That now I am the Leader of the Third Partee!
On TV shows I was such a wag
That my popularity began to sag;
But I washed my socks in Daz and Dreft
And now I'm Right of Right and also Left of Left.
I sat upon the fence with such dexteritee
That now I am the Leader of the Third Partee!
I laughed so loudly that they had to choose
Between my teeth and those of Simon Hughes;
Just think of all the platitudes I had to forge
To totter in the footsteps of the great Lloyd George.
I wore my Sunday best so frequentlee
That now I am the Leader of the Third Partee!
