Ancient, decrepit, miserable and unhumorous male completely lacking in charm and conversation would prefer to meet female lacking his qualities. - Personal ad in the London Jewish News (Sigrid Rabiger)

A chef with an uncanny resemblance to Ruud Gullit, the Newcastle United manager, opened a school's sports day and signed autographs without organisers realising he was an impostor.
Although the man talked in a Cockney accent and was markedly shorter than the Dutch football personality, doubts over his identity were raised only after he was beaten by two children in a sack race at Croft House School in Hexham, Northumberland. - Daily Telegraph (Tim Hopkins)

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